When it comes to the theme of 'family' during major festive seasons in Malaysia, two common tropes emerge. Firstly, there are the adverts that make a play for our heartstrings, intent on conveying some kind of lesson about a parent’s sacrifice, filial duty, or the power of love.
 
Secondly—and simultaneously—there’s the trope of dealing with annoying family questions. It’s such a pervasive theme that it’s become hackneyed. And yet, as much as we all want to feel like we’re adults, sometimes it only takes a careless question or comment to send us spiralling.  
 
We at Esquire aren’t immune to this. Still, there’s something to be said about trying to be the better person. Not just better at answering invasive questions, but better all around. Rising above it all at a family gathering can be more challenging than any other context, so we put together a few guidelines. Your mileage may vary.

1.     Don’t lose your cool when you get asked questions.  
 
Easier said than done, of course. But if a question truly irritates you, take a beat to be silent before snapping. One hack: you can try pretending not to have heard clearly, and ask the interrogator to repeat themselves. Hopefully they’ll take the hint and drop it.
 
2.     Craft a cunning response.
 
OK, so they didn’t drop it. Often, a little weary acceptance goes a long way. Add a little humour, if the situation allows. “You’re right, I am still single. Do you know any nice girls you could set me up with?” “How much do I earn? Not enough.” “Why am I not as successful as [favoured sibling / cousin]? I’m still trying to figure that out too.”
 
3.     Remember, it’s probably not personal.
 
Most of the time, people ask awkward questions because they’re not very good at making conversation. They probably don’t even care about the answer. You may be able to steer things in a different direction just by changing the subject.
 
4.     Find a task and do it.
 
There are certain people in your family who bear the brunt of the chores every festive season—cooking, serving and cleaning. If you’re not already doing so, be intentional about helping out. In particular, check on the ones who have the biggest share of duties (hint: it's usually the women). Emerge feeling productive and looking golden.
 
5.     Talk to the kids. And the old folks.
 
Chances are, you’ll look up and everyone around you will be neck deep in their phones. Although scrolling is the path of least resistance, try to step it up. Talk to the young ones about what music they’re into. Talk to the old folks about their childhood memories. Engaging in conversation is an increasingly rare skill. You’ll be the better man for trying.
 
6.     Potluck situation? Make an effort.

You might think you’re covered if your partner is the one who usually handles the potluck contribution. But even if this is true, it’s pretty cool to be known as the person who brought something amazing. So whether you make a dish or buy it, put some thought and enthusiasm into the challenge. Since Malaysian families bond over food, this is an easy win: especially if it’s with your significant other’s family.

7.     Accept that you won’t win every argument.

When every Uncle comes armed with their latest political opinions, it’s easy for the dining table to descend into a full-blown flight. Some of those opinions might be offensive to you, while others may be just outright wrong. Whether you speak up or not is a personal decision you have to make. But if you do speak up, it helps to know that you don’t need to change everyone’s minds right there and then. Sometimes, making your point is enough. Then go refill your drink.
 
8.     Look at old photos.
 
Reflect on the transience of time. Just not, like, too much.