The year was 2021, so lockdown season. I was overweight, overeating, and barely hitting 100 steps a day because we weren’t even allowed to leave the house. Maybe that was the catalyst, but it was then that I decided I didn’t like the way I looked, and so I decided to lock in. 

Through a caloric deficit and numerous exercise routines, I completely changed my appearance. MyFitnessPal became my best friend, I tracked every calorie, avoided excess sodium and carbs, and made sure I consumed less than 1,800 calories a day. Sundays were my only cheat days and, most of the time, I didn’t even enjoy what I was eating.

I was basically copying the Fitness Influencer 101: unseasoned chicken breast, barely any carbs, no sweets. The results came quickly, though. My face was chiselled, and my skin even cleared up. Jump rope and push-ups were my staples, and through that, I went from 66kg to 52kg in four months.

I was happy, but not fully satisfied. I wanted to look lean instead of skinny-fat. The problem was that I completely overlooked muscle building, thinking that more cardio would automatically grant me visible abs. Instead, I ended up with loose skin from losing weight too quickly.

In 2022, I became obsessed with the skinny look. Most days, I ate only one meal. My mantra became ‘more cardio, less food’. Eventually, my weight dropped to 48kg, which didn’t even align with my goals anymore. Plus, I was dropping on the bottom end of my BMI.

At the time, I had zero interest in the gym and knew nothing about strength training. I was the type to search ‘how to get abs in two weeks’, which I’m sure I’m not the only one who’s been through this phase.

What confused me most was: how was I skinny but still soft? I still had flabby arms and midriff despite losing so much weight. This was the first time that I realised the difference between being skinny and being lean.

Come 2023, I totally went off the rails. I gave up because no matter how strict I was, I still looked soft. I couldn’t force myself to eat bland food and suppress my every craving anymore.

Eventually, I started binge eating, focusing mostly on processed food. At one point, I even fainted because of how my eating habits had deteriorated. I lacked the nutrients, barely slept, and spent entire nights playing video games. I was now stressing my body on the opposite end of the spectrum.

I think the reason I gave up was that I made fitness feel miserable. Everything became restrictive. It was until I seriously dissected my motivations that I could finally question myself, and that question was: Why am I treating myself like I’m training for an elite bodybuilding competition?

That was when my foray into strength training began. Don’t cue to the training montage yet, though, because all I only cared about at this stage of the journey was to have bigger biceps. So I focused on curls, with barely any progress. 

At the beginning of 2024, I convinced myself that maybe I needed even more cardio, this time with strength training. I wanted that summer body, so I started eating less again, thinking it would finally solve my skinny-fat problem.

I ran six times a week and cut carbs aggressively. I lifted weights all the while. My friends would joke that I ate like a goat because I would finish two full palms of vegetables before touching my rice or chicken breast. 

One positive change I had going for me this time was that I finally started seasoning my food. My friend Nuha constantly reminded me that eating healthy didn’t need to mean eating tasteless food.

Even though I was back on track, something still felt missing. I wasn’t seeing any gains and was fatigued almost every workout. But instead of questioning my routine, I just kept pushing harder.

Another year passed, and again, 2025 cemented the fact that my plans weren’t working. I was lifting the same weights for more reps, but my muscles still looked small. This time, I focused heavily on strength training while neglecting cardio. I stopped running and barely walked anymore.

People assumed I was trying to bulk, but honestly, I was just struggling with water retention. I met a nutritionist and explained why I constantly felt fatigued. She told me I wasn’t eating enough protein, which explained both my dismal muscle growth and low energy levels.

That was when I properly learned about macronutrients. Protein powder entered the mix. Around the same time, I quit video games and finally fixed my sleeping schedule.

Now that we’re in 2026, I look back and see how much of a rollercoaster ride it has been. And five years is a long time to spend figuring things out. But for the first time, I feel like I’ve finally found a structure that I can actually sustain long term.

Instead of training the bro split of one muscle group a day, I switched to the Arnold split. Getting better sleep also improved my recovery. I still eat ice-cream sometimes, but in moderation, and it’s no longer something I feel guilty about. I prioritise a high-protein breakfast, and am no longer afraid of carbs, too. In fact, carbs became fuel for my workouts instead of something that lurked under my bed. 

"It took me five years to understand my body, but I don’t see it as a restart. I see it as rebuilding with the right foundation."

It took me five years to understand my body, but I don’t see it as a restart. I see it as rebuilding with the right foundation, a process that will continue as the years pass me by. Maybe this story can serve as a reminder that, whatever path you’re on, even if you take years to figure things out, it’s still better than not starting at all.